i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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