Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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