Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?