How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator