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So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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