everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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