we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
