just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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