I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
