i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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