had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.