he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.