I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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