guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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