Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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