It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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