I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize