It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
