He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize