There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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