all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize