she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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