He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
