I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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