But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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