She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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