So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
