just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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