he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
