I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He kissed a someone with a penis
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
