I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
