do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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