i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
