she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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