im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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