Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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