You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize