Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
