I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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