The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
