it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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