Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is the high leading the old right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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