Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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