dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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