I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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