I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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