Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
