If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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