i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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