I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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