Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dating After Heartbreak
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.