one two three fourrrrnication!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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