i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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