how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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